Friday, December 02, 2005

Nine months

Just an hour ago I was going to blog about TV stuff, or maybe include a link to another Christmas light display.

But after reading Barb's post and having tears well up in my eyes, how can I think about anything else?

We're in the final month of 2005. The final month of Laurie's final year.

It continues to absolutely blow my mind.

On Tuesday night I helped Pete and Barb bring down their Christmas decorations from the attic--a little tradition I've proudly been a part of for several years now. But Laurie was noticeably absent. She's supposed to help. She's supposed to be there as we laugh at the sheer volume of Christmas stuff that Pete and Barb own. It's supposed to be the four of us.

I'm guessing the holiday season is only going to magnify her absence, and increase the number of times we'll collectively think 'she should be here'.

I'll never get to give her another Christmas present. I'll never write "To: L-Boogie...From: Drew" on another tag. I'll never again hear her say "Drew Brown!! Happy Birthday!!"

I can't believe we're in December and I'm still so affected by something that happened in March. I'm still asking why I have her memorial service on my iPod. I'm still not totally sure why I have her #1 Cubs fan novelty license plate in my back windshield.

I just know that nine months have passed, and I'm still trying to grasp the basic reality of the hardest thing I've ever gone through.


Blogger Anna P said...

You're allowed to not get it...

December 02, 2005 11:52 AM  
Blogger Emily said...


December 02, 2005 6:13 PM  

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