Sunday, May 15, 2005

Anger (almost) Unleashed

I know that a lot of people have been pissed off at Laurie for the choice that she made...but I haven't been one of those people. Well, until now.

As I sat in church today, I actually wrote a venomous letter to Laurie. I said things I didn't mean, I used words I never use, and I even called her things I would never dream of calling her. I probably used the word 'fuck' about 50 times. All in the name of venting.

I thought it would feel good. I thought letting all these emotions rip would bring a sense of relief. But really, it just brought back sadness.

How could I be mad at her? How can I feel anger towards my friend who was obviously in so much pain that she couldn't bear to deal with it? And what's the point of feeling anger towards someone who's in heaven....when really there are people on earth I can be pissed at?

Part of me wants to just sit here and rattle off the idiotic things people have said/done in the wake of Laurie's death. I want to name names, I want to show how ridiculously ignorant some people are, I want to ridicule the stupid things written on blogs, xangas, my space, live journals, whatever.

This isn't about blaming anyone for Laurie's death, it's about the way(s) people are acting and reacting since she's been gone.

It will be good to be in Nashville this week and be away from some of the morondom.

To add to the frustration, I'm probably going to drop some more serious cash to get a new iPod tomorrow. LAME.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is of ZERO consolation, I'm sure, but (a) everything you're feeling is totally normal, and (b) there will ALWAYS be people in the world who are morons. Sometimes you'll feel like you must be a Moron Magnet, 'cause there's no other way to explain how you can be surrounded by so much ignorance! It just HAS to be beyond conicidence, you know?

May 16, 2005 1:00 PM  
Blogger Greg Boncimino said...

I'm glad you wrote the letter, and glad you are getting a chance to head out to Nashville. Both are great steps to get through this.

The key thing is that you are recognizing these phases, and not turning a blind eye.

I see my own processing moving through different phases, and despite the repetition -- I see PROGRESS with each loop.

Keep going...


P.S. Can't wait to see you here in Houston for the Cubs series in Aug!

May 17, 2005 2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you have no idea who I am, but I have been reading your blog since Laurie left us. I went to school with her for the past year. She was the a light in the room, and I miss her dearly. Reading your blog, which is so wonderfully honest and open, has helped me enormously to understand her, and help bring two ends of the gaping whole she left closer, though they will never match again. I have found that reading a column by Professor Richmond, one of Laurie and my instructors, in Laurie's Challenger (a Harper Honors class we had together this semester) sums up so much of what you, and I as well, have been going through. He talks about peacemakers, and characterizes Laur the way we knew her so well. People are morons, and it just makes me want to scream. But the stupid unwritten rules of society make us keep our mouths shut, even when people say horrible things. God bless you, Drew. I can see why Laur loved you so much as a friend.
Kristin Kowynia

May 18, 2005 2:09 PM  
Blogger Finding My Way said...

I have been reading some of your blog & I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers.

May 20, 2005 8:14 AM  

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