Wednesday, March 23, 2005

More Processing Part II

I appreciate all the thoughts and comments from everyone regarding my feelings towards certain people right now. I think the whole issue warrants a second posting. And curses abound...

I wrote a lot about the anger I've been wrestling with and how difficult that journey has been and will continue to be. That's really not fun to talk about. But for a moment I'd like to compliment those who did show love to Laurie amidst all the crap she was getting from others.

There were a handful of people who handled things well, but specifically I'd like to praise Eve Rickert and Aimee Novelli. These are two people that I admire and respect greatly and I really believe that there's a lot to be learned from both of them. When they heard about the engagement, they didn't bombard her with "biblical truth" or tell her to "open God's Word". Believe it or not, they were actually happy for her and congratulated her. They approached the subject with love and I think they were just awesome about all of it. See....not everyone is a jackass. So I just wanted to say something positive about someone before I continue processing my anger.

As I said in my previous post, I'm really struggling with trying to love those that I'm so angry at. There's maybe 2% of me (if that much) that really feels like showing them grace and love. And it sucks because I know I have to. This is probably where God comes in. I'm really not interested in forgiving certain people right now, but I think it's very hypocritical and dangerous on my part to judge and reject them for judging and rejecting Laurie. Simply put, judgement and rejection is not the heart of God.

I'm a hypocrite. I want you to give me grace for the anger and frustration I'm feeling towards those who treated Laurie like shit, yet I really want no part of showing grace to them.

The anger and desire to blame has been more real during the last 3-4 days than it has been since this all started. I've been attending The Church of Eminem a lot lately because music helps me vent quite a bit. Thank God for Marshall Mathers.

I bet the little turd youth pastor from the wedding (who I will now refer to as Pastor Douche) would have something to say to me about that. In fact I hope he finds his way to my blog. I'm sure he'd like to pull me off a dance floor and take me into a room and lecture me for 20 minutes on why hip hop comes straight from the devil. That's right Douche, I'm listening to a LOT of Eminem and no worship music. Kiss my ass.

And there it is again. Immaturity and anger, Finger pointing and name calling. My constant struggle to turn my grudges into grace. How do I balance that? I must acknowledge and express my feelings in their truest form. But I know I also need to take the high road and love people because that's the heart of God.

This sucks.

In all sincerity, please pray that God helps me figure out all of these feelings.

3 Comments:

Blogger Eve said...

You made me laugh so hard and I am sure that is not what you meant to do because it was about venting your anger but how you gave a shout out to myself and Aimee...like wow now that you had done the good deed for the day...thanks for the encouraging words and to know I am not a Jackass. Because I was worried =).
Just a word about your anger. Just make sure you take care of yourself Drew. Anger especially in men is a deep sadness...duh your sad it does not take a me to tell you that...but staying in this anger will tear you up...as you already know the sucky spot you are in. I will pray. I will talk with. I will go play some violent games. Whatever it takes...
Know you are loved.

March 23, 2005 6:41 PM  
Blogger Jackie R. said...

Drew: You rock!

March 24, 2005 6:53 AM  
Blogger Greg Boncimino said...

DB,

I'm grieving with you, and I'm praying with (note I didn't say "for") you. I'm pretty sure I understand you.

We'll have to come to grips with this, and I know we will. Thanks for articulating what several of us are totally feeling.

Keep processing and don't give up hope. Somewhere there is going to be peace.

Greg

March 25, 2005 7:37 AM  

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